Relationships – can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
A relationship can be one of the most beautiful things to experience, but lets be realistic, not everything is sun shine and rainbows every step of the way. You are two completely different people navigating through life together from different perspectives and different life experiences. Along your journey you are bound to have disagreements and arguments. Its how we work through these disputes that shapes the foundations for our relationships.
Lots of this requires you to do the inner work so that you do not reflect your hurts, fears and anxieties back onto your relationship and your partner.
So, here you are in another dispute with your S/O. Trying to figure out where you went wrong. Where did it all go sideways? How do I bring us back together? Feeling like you’re caught in the same argument again. Playing out the same cycles over and over again. Argue, leave, makeup. But never really resolving the problem at hand. Sound familiar?
First off, step away from the situation. (Let your S/O know you’re taking a time out). Take a breather. Work through your emotions. And then clear your mind. You can’t get anywhere productive when you’re worked up. Put your differences aside, and look at the situation from the other persons perspective. (You need to put your ego away for this one.) Why were they really upset? Did they have a valid point? What is the real reason they are upset, but they just aren’t telling you?
Look at how you handled the situation. Did you blow it out of proportion? Did you not handle it to the best of your abilities? Did you react before you responded? Did you come from a place of love? Did you explain yourself in a calm manner? Did you accuse your S/O or place blame?
Look at the situation as a whole. Did the argument happen because you or your S/O were really upset about what happened? Why are you feeling the way you do about it? Where are these feelings really coming from? Are you reflecting your past experiences onto your relationship right now? Are you reacting the way you do because that is how you were taught when you were young? Do you truly believe in what you are arguing about or are you just arguing to be right?
These are all really important aspects you need to take into consideration when you are sifting through your emotions, and why you continue to experience this roller coaster in your relationship.
Then come back together with your S/O. In a calm, loving way explain to them why you felt the way you did. Where it all actually stems from. Listen to them too without judgement or getting defensive. Allow each other to express yourselves and hold space for one another. And come up with a game plan for how you can more lovingly handle situations in the future, so that you do not get to the point of no return.
Now let it go! This is most important. We are NOT keeping score in our relationships. We are NOT holding grudges against one another. We are NOT bringing up past experiences to throw them in each others face. Let. Them. Go. They were a learning lesson, and you two worked through them together. To strengthen your relationship and build a stronger foundation for yourselves. Congratulations on doing the inner work so that you can come together to do the outer work!
These steps will help guide you to creating a more mindful loving relationship with your S/O. So that you don’t have to continue playing out the same scenario over and over again. Our relationships are a reflection of ourselves and what is required for us to work on. It is important to do the inner work. Developing that relationship with ourselves, so that we may have healthier relationships with others.
Keep in mind these will only work if both of you are willing to work through them together and do the inner work that is required.
If you are being called to do more inner healing. Or feel alone in your healing process. And want to work through any emotions and beliefs that are keeping you from having the soulful relationships you so desire, please connect with me. I would love to work through these with you so that you may heal and build a stronger relationship with yourself.