And 6 Steps to Changing these Habits
By: Chelon Rieger – Emotional Energy Healing Coach
Are you stifling your emotions?
Do you even realize you are stifling your emotions?
I make it a point on my social media to have Mindful Monday.
This gives you the chance to really check in with yourself and see how we are feeling. Ok and fine are not feelings.
Close your eyes. Place your hand on your heart and just breath. Quiet your mind. And ask yourself “how am I really feeling?“.
There are no wrong answers.
And lots of the time we don’t even realize what is going on inside because we spend our time and energy on everything else.
I know its not an easy thing to do. Most of the time people fall back on “well, I should be feeling…”, or “I want to be feeling…”.
First off, the “I should be feeling” is just a belief. That is something that can be changed with a little bit of awareness and effort.
Secondly, the “I want to be feeling” is a good awareness, but are you really feeling that way? Or are you reaching for outside influences to help you feel that way.
Or even worse… to not feel anything at all.
So instead we developed unhealthy coping mechanisms that have just become second nature.
I thought it might be a good idea to talk about when we are avoiding feeling the feels. And the signs that you aren’t allowing yourself the opportunity to feel them.
This isn’t done intentionally.
It’s done because we were never taught how to or allowed to work through them.
Or we don’t want to because its not pleasant.
It’s work and it takes time. Think of it like an onion. We heal in layers when things are ready to come up to be addressed.
Some common signs that you aren’t dealing with you true emotions are.
1. Over Working – living the life of work, sleep, repeat. Yes it may be making you feel very productive. But it’s not doing a lot for your personal health and wellbeing. You are operating in a more masculine energy of doing, doing. As opposed to utilizing you feminine energy of being and allowing (feeling into our emotions). The trick is finding a healthy balance of the two and this is different for everyone.
2. Excessive cleaning – continuously needing your house to be in immaculate condition is a control mechanism. We can’t control what is going on internally so we control what we can. Our external world. And hey, in the mean time we don’t need to feel what is going on on the inside because we are too busy making our outside world “perfect”. It is an illusion really. A disguise showing to the world that we’ve got it all together. Cause heaven forbit we should not.
3. Excessive exercise – this is similar to the excessive cleaning. We don’t know how to address what is going on on the inside but we can control how we look on the outside. Plus the endorphins we feel from working out can become addicting. We can become obsessive with how our body looks but never really achieving that “perfect” body that we are happy with. Why? Because we aren’t happy on the inside.
4. Unhealthy eating habits – ever sit down and devour a whole bag of chips? Or all of a sudden the entire tub of ice cream is gone? Or what happened to the rest of the cake? Mindlessly putting food into your mouth without even realizing it. Because when we are eating the brain also produces endorphins. So instead of figuring out what we are feeling we just eat to feel better. Excessive mindless eating can also be a sign that we need more grounding and time out in nature.
5. Excessive use of drinking/drugs – masking our emotions with substance abuse so that we don’t have to feel at all. Which can eventually build and build until we are in way over our head. (Please reach out for help with this)
6. Projecting – lashing out at others for no reason other than we have no control over what is going on inside of us. So we take it out on those around us in an unhealthy way.
7. Humor – making a joke about absolutely everything, especially when it isn’t funny. And then not taking accountability if it hurts another persons feelings.
All of this of course is on a subconscious level.
And has been picked up from our passed experiences or learned from the people around us growing up.
It’s hard to realize that you’re even doing it until you’re in the moment.
Its best if you can catch yourself and change the pattern.
Steps to changing these habits
🛑 Stop what you’re doing – if you are able to catch yourself in that moment. Or even after. Before would obviously be the best.
🛑 Ask yourself why you’re actually doing it – is it really for your highest best good?
🛑 How are you feeling in that moment? – tune in. Pause. Put your hand on your chest. Breath. And ask yourself why are you really doing said habit. Or what is your trigger?
🛑 What is really the underlying issue? – why are you continuously reaching for that habit?
🛑 Address the underlying issue – what is really going on right now that you are reaching for this habit. Think back to when did you start this habit? Why did you start?
🛑 Give to yourself what you are needing in a more loving way – what is something that is more beneficial to your well being that would make a better habit to replace the unhealthy one?
When we can stop the pattern we are able to create new, healthy more positive ones that are going to help improve our life in the long term.
And we will also be able, as parents, to teach our kids a better way.
And help guide them to create positive coping mechanisms for themselves.
This isn’t an easy process and will take time.
Don’t beat yourself up for not mastering it in a day. It takes 21 days to develop a new habit. Just focus on one day at a time. If you fall off the horse show yourself compassion. The fact that you are aware of it are steps in the right direction.
And it can also take time to discover what this new healthy habit is for you! You’re first choice may not work. It is a process. And as long as you are taking mindful steps to progress forward you are going in the right direction.
MOST IMPORTANT – ASK FOR HELP! – if you are finding that you are struggling with this, do not be afraid to ask for help. Or find a supportive friend. Or a support group. Healing is a process and you do not need to go about it alone. Find like minded people where you can support each other and be each others cheerleaders along the way.
If you’re having trouble identifying these triggers and changing the habits I would love to help you work through them and clear them.
Book your Transformational Clearing Session to get started!
Chelon Lockert 